Ruminations of a Woman Changed
by Col.Foley
Summary: One Shot.  Miranda is thinking about a certain Young Commander who is bringing about a change in her life.


Ruminations of a Woman Changed.

She felt…different…unusual for her…unique.

Miranda Lawson, Cerberus officer, trusted adviser and operative of the Illusive Man himself, did not know what she was feeling.

All she knew was that she had never felt like this before a day in her life. Towards anyone, let alone a superior.

At as far as the chain of command was concerned.

At first she saw Cameron Shepard as a usurper, someone not to be trusted. She had to compete with him for her job. The Illusive Man had hand picked him for this mission to destroy the Collectors and preserve humanity.

Instead of Miranda, his best agent, this left her ego slightly bruised and battered, and a need to compete with Shepard in almost everything that he did, even above and beyond her natural affinity for competing with everyone else.

What was worse he wanted to be her _friend_, to _get to know her better_.

Miranda had never let anyone in in her entire life. Not even Jacob.

And she only trusted the Illusive Man out of convenience, he seemed to want to do the right thing, and he had protected her when no one else will.

But her life was a litany of betrayal. Niket, Wilson, her father, she had learned from an early age that people always had an agenda. Always were out to use you or exploit what you were, or sell out to the highest bidder. Or to just plain fuck with you. Time and time again she had learned this.

This was true even of the Illusive Man. But his ideology and his goals were so transparent, so single-minded that she could trust them. And so she worked for him.

However, now she was changing. It was subtle, she hardly recognized it at first, but now that she knew it was happening she found it to be slightly alarming.

Even in her darkest hour, after her latest betrayal, she had found someone to trust, someone to open up to.

She had learned that most people were just interested in her for her looks, or even her body.

But not Shepard.

So she was finally starting to let him in, to get close to him, warming up to him.

It was unusual for her but she was finding herself trusting Shepard more and more, even going beyond trust. She was starting to value him as a colleague, a friend, and perhaps even a lover.

She did not know what this was, what these new feelings were.

Were they simply hormones now taking their revenge upon her for ignoring them in her youth? Was it brief infatuations with a dashing hero come to save them all? Or was it because he was, or should have been, forbidden to her? Being a professional on her part and a superior on his part.

Or were these feelings real?

She did not know, all she knew was it was…new.

And then there was the man himself! Such a puzzle and a contradiction, he walked a strange path between light and dark. Directly in between the two, not sacrificing his morale code to get the job done, or what he considered to be his own, unique, morale code.

Unlike the Illusive Man who was out for convenience no matter the cost.

But Cameron was an enigma. He had a morale code and followed it to the letter but yet did whatever it took to get the job done, anyone who got in his way…paid for their mistake.

He was a righteous man who cared about her, but was obviously attracted to her and could flirt like one of the men she despised, like one of the men who she would disconnect mid conversation on that dating site on the extranet.

A complicated and complete man in almost every respect, a paragon of virtue and a soldier who got the job done.

Someone who was in the process of teaching her about herself and the universe in general.

Someone who forced her to acknowledge that she was a person, not a tool to be used and manipulated by everyone around her, a unique individual with a spirit and a personality. Not just the sum of her abilities and her genetic makeup, but how she used those gifts is what mattered and what made her who she was.

That was the nicest thing anyone ever said to her, and perhaps the truest. It made her feel valued as more than just a tool, an extension of someone else's will to achieve an objective, or to build a dynasty.

And the way he looked at her!

Now with pure and unadulterated lust but with passion, a passion that was unceasing and let her know that he honestly cared about _her. _

Especially since they got back from the Lair of the Shadow Broker.

Full of a quiet concern, like he wanted to ask her about something but was not sure he should intrude.

It sent a thrill through her, of excitement and caution as she wondered what he could have known about her now.

And now that she felt her feelings changing and…awakening…she felt her whole world-view begin to shift.

No longer just out for petty personal concerns or the interests of Cerberus no matter the cost, now she recognized her actions had consequences.

She wanted to do the right thing now. Not just what Cerberus and the Illusive Man thought was proper. She felt her entire life and soul changing in regards to everything she thought she knew.

And she _liked _it.

But she hesitated even now. Shepard and she shared a mutual interest that much was obvious, no matter what that interest was, no matter what the feelings ended up being.

But the last of her defenses was urging her to wait, to be cautious. Not for the man himself, but they still had a job to do.

A job that could end up getting them all killed.

So she forced herself to wait.

But she did not know how much longer she could, or should, wait. She did not know if she should be with him before or after the Suicide Mission.

But she was allowing this to distract her from her duties. She had plenty of time.

And these reports on the Heretic Geth Base would not file themselves.


End file.
